that people routinely jest that she must have had a rod inserted in her ass. What they fail to realize, however, is how close this comes to the truth. Whenever someone mentions the proverbial rod, you fake a laugh and say apologetically, “Come on guys, she’s not that bad.” You do this to draw attention away from your own guilty countenance, your eyes cast downward, since your mother does actually have a stainless steel rod and it’s there because of you. Let’s be clear, though: it’s not up her ass; the rod was surgically grafted into the lumbar section of her spine after her back was broken in a car crash. A car crash that you caused.
It happened the same day you passed your driving test, and afterwards you begged your mom to let you drive home on the freeway. She was naturally apprehensive, you being such a new driver and also (it pained her to admit) not the smartest of her children, but you persisted (in that high-pitched wail you always use to get your way — you know what I’m talking about) until she finally gave in on the condition that you keep it under 50 miles an hour and only take the freeway for a single exit. Immediately, you swerved into traffic without checking all three mirrors. As though you’d already forgotten your driver’s ed classes, your hands were all over the wheel instead of the recommended 10 o’clock and 2 o’clock position. Other drivers honked and shook angry fists at you and your mother politely suggested that you pay more attention to what was going on around you.
Blame the exuberance of the new driver, blame the sting of her criticism, but regardless of the mitigating circumstances, at that moment you stomped down on the accelerator, a desperate gleam in your eye. A split-second later the car was upside-down on the exit shoulder. The car had only a single airbag, keeping you safe, but your mother was thrown forward with such force that when the seatbelt stopped her it broke two of her vertebrae. Before the police and ambulance arrived, you both stayed in the car, still strapped painfully in your seats, clutching hands and crying. You sobbed profuse apologies for those few minutes that seemed to you both to last for days. Your mother, though she was in great pain, told you over and over that it would be okay.
Although her injuries were minor compared to what they might have been, her specific type of spinal trauma was degenerative. After wearing a back brace for five months, she was, at first, fine. It was only after another two years that the long term affects of the injury began to show. Before long, her pain became unbearable. The only choice, Dr. Zakorsky told her, was to fuse a section of her spine via rod-insertion. Her movement would be greatly impaired (she can no longer tie her own shoes or use a standard toilet), but to be rid of the debilitating pain it was a small price to pay.
However, after the fusion she became increasingly curt in her demeanor. She began rudely interrupting people and had seemingly lost all tolerance for others. She and your father haven’t been intimate in four years (he now discreetly visits prostitutes twice a month, of which your mother is aware, which, as much as she hides it, fills her with shame and only exacerbates her bitterness toward you). To help alleviate the burden of your guilt for having caused all this, you now drink heavily in secret. It makes things bearable, but only just. Next week you’re planning on visiting your parents, but you already know what you’ll find and it fills you with despair.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Your mother is so gay.........
that during the 2008 election, she vehemently opposed Proposition 8. Seeing as Prop 8 received the vast share of its funding from the Church of the Latter Day Saints, this marked the final schism between your mother and her devoutly Mormon family still living back in Utah. Having only returned for occasional visits after graduating Cum Laude from Bryn Mawr, her complete estrangement from her parents was largely a foregone conclusion already by the time she chose to be artificially inseminated and raise a child with her longterm companion, Terry, but the fact that her own parents, she was shocked to learn, had financially contributed to the passage of legislation that would rob her of a basical civil right cured her of any lingering hope that they might yet one day come to accept her lifestyle. By the time of the 2008 election, although not yet of voting age, you accompanied your mother and Terry to every rally and action throughout California; you held protest signs aloft and chanted in unison despite not being gay yourself. However, just by dint of your presence at so many rallies, people you’d seen once or twice and recognized by face began to draw conclusions about your own burgeoning sexuality. Once or twice at each event, other young men would approach you in a manner you felt was altogether too familiar, too forward. Naturally, wanting to be accepting of others and not wanting to offend anyone, you rebuffed them as politely as possible. After the fourth consecutive weekend, however, during which you were hit on while protesting with your mother and Terry, your patience began to wear thin. Finally, after an especially hirsute man approached you and asked indelicately if you’d like to meet him post-rally for a “blowjay party” in his van, you snapped. “Fuck off, homo!” you yelled, unkindly. You threw down your sign (“Stop the H8!”) and went to look for your mother. You found her and Terry engaged in a yelling match with a small group of Mormons and you told them you’d had enough, that you were leaving and would find your own way home from Sacramento. Your mother asked what had happened, and in your anger you responded, “Why the fuck does everyone have to be so fucking gay?!” and stormed off. This hurt your mother more than you knew at the time, and even though you apologized profusely later that day, in her heart your mother had moved you silently into that category she’d reserved for her family in Utah. Things would never be the same between you.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Troubled Hearts Map Deserts
School is out on Tuesday so I'll post more frequently and posts that are actually on my life and times then. However it is 1:39 in the morning, I am suffering from food poisoning, and I am watching Bill Mahr so I am a tad bit preoccupied. So instead of a lengthy story I'll just post more tattoo pictures, by who else but Thomas Hooper. When school is out I'll stop posting pictures of peoples tattoos, unless there are some "sweet-ass" ones.
Some day.....
Some day.....
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Hooper's at it again
Thomas Hooper's work is too awesome.
Also, this has nothing to do with me and I realize that. However at this moment my head is killing me, and I am being bombarded with demands to go cut my grass.
Peace out
Sunday, May 2, 2010
I've been gone for a long time
I haven't posted anything new in a while, and for that I'm sorry. However, as I'm sure all of my readers are aware I live quite the crazy life and therefore my absence should not of come as such a huge surprise.
So here's what I've been up to lately:
I went to prom.
I've watched some TV.
I've done laundry.
I've driven some places.
I saw some movies.
I did some chemistry labs.
I saw some friends.
I've cleaned my room.
I've solved the gas crisis.
I've sent some texts.
I've been in several street fights.
I've done nothing on my "Bucket List"
I destroyed the Death Star, twice.
I have not been to the hospital, nor jail.
I've read some stuff.
I looked up some cool stuff on the internet.
I've listened to some tunes.
I've run for Senator.
I've run for Senior Class Dictator.
I've organized a brutal student government.
I've done some work for the CIA and have taken down some local governments.
I had tray duty once.
I've done all of those, kinda.
So here's what I've been up to lately:
I went to prom.
I've watched some TV.
I've done laundry.
I've driven some places.
I saw some movies.
I did some chemistry labs.
I saw some friends.
I've cleaned my room.
I've solved the gas crisis.
I've sent some texts.
I've been in several street fights.
I've done nothing on my "Bucket List"
I destroyed the Death Star, twice.
I have not been to the hospital, nor jail.
I've read some stuff.
I looked up some cool stuff on the internet.
I've listened to some tunes.
I've run for Senator.
I've run for Senior Class Dictator.
I've organized a brutal student government.
I've done some work for the CIA and have taken down some local governments.
I had tray duty once.
I've done all of those, kinda.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Tales of love and loss
This Sunday was Valentine's day, a day that I have never enjoyed. Ever since I can remember Valentine's day has made me feel down and lonely. I personally feel that Valentine's day is simply just a Hallmark holiday, and an excuse for someone to buy you things. So here are two quick stories of love and loss from my life, happy late Valentine's day.
My first story comes from when I was in Pre-K. There was a girl named Stacy in my class who I was quite convinced that I was in love with. Even to this day I can remember staring at her long curly blond hair from across the craft table, trying to end up on the swing next to hers on the playground, and dreaming of playing house with her. While I paid so much attention to Stacy she naturally had no clue that I existed. One day she handed out invitations to her birthday party. I can remember sitting and waiting for a card, expecting her to send me one, however she never did. As I got in the car with my mother I began to sob and cry "I just stood there and waited mommy, I just stood there but she didn't give me one!". Summer soon came and marked my graduation to Kindergarten, Stacy and I didn't go to the same school after that and I never saw her again. However I feel that I will never forget my first crush.
My next story comes from when I was in Kindergarten. After recovering from the loss of Stacy I was ready to pull a "Chance and Real" to "get back in the saddle" and find love all over again. However I found my newest romance in quite the odd place. I can still remember when I saw first saw her, I was breathless at how her blouse matched the leggos she was standing by, at her stunning legs, how the sunlight illuminated her long blonde hair, at her bright red lipstick, and at her name badge that read "Hi my name is Ms. Pam, I'm your teacher". This woman was like nothing I had ever seen before and I was hypnotized with every word that came from her mouth. My feelings went up for my teacher Ms. Pam throughout the school year until right before Christmas. One day Ms. Pam didn't show up to class, and I freaked out. I asked the woman who was subbing where my beloved teacher was and was then blown away by her answer "Oh, well she's getting married later this week so she needs to take some time off to get ready". My heart sunk as these words passed through my ears, I had assumed that Ms. Pam and I would be together forever and could barely fathom the idea of her being engaged to another man. When we went back to school Ms. Pam had become Mrs. Pam, and I finished the year by trying to avoid her at as much as possible.
So there you have it, two stories from earlier in my life where I learned the harsh how harsh love could be.
Fuck Bitches Get Money, right?
My first story comes from when I was in Pre-K. There was a girl named Stacy in my class who I was quite convinced that I was in love with. Even to this day I can remember staring at her long curly blond hair from across the craft table, trying to end up on the swing next to hers on the playground, and dreaming of playing house with her. While I paid so much attention to Stacy she naturally had no clue that I existed. One day she handed out invitations to her birthday party. I can remember sitting and waiting for a card, expecting her to send me one, however she never did. As I got in the car with my mother I began to sob and cry "I just stood there and waited mommy, I just stood there but she didn't give me one!". Summer soon came and marked my graduation to Kindergarten, Stacy and I didn't go to the same school after that and I never saw her again. However I feel that I will never forget my first crush.
My next story comes from when I was in Kindergarten. After recovering from the loss of Stacy I was ready to pull a "Chance and Real" to "get back in the saddle" and find love all over again. However I found my newest romance in quite the odd place. I can still remember when I saw first saw her, I was breathless at how her blouse matched the leggos she was standing by, at her stunning legs, how the sunlight illuminated her long blonde hair, at her bright red lipstick, and at her name badge that read "Hi my name is Ms. Pam, I'm your teacher". This woman was like nothing I had ever seen before and I was hypnotized with every word that came from her mouth. My feelings went up for my teacher Ms. Pam throughout the school year until right before Christmas. One day Ms. Pam didn't show up to class, and I freaked out. I asked the woman who was subbing where my beloved teacher was and was then blown away by her answer "Oh, well she's getting married later this week so she needs to take some time off to get ready". My heart sunk as these words passed through my ears, I had assumed that Ms. Pam and I would be together forever and could barely fathom the idea of her being engaged to another man. When we went back to school Ms. Pam had become Mrs. Pam, and I finished the year by trying to avoid her at as much as possible.
So there you have it, two stories from earlier in my life where I learned the harsh how harsh love could be.
Fuck Bitches Get Money, right?
Monday, February 1, 2010
What makes me, me.
Everyone has idols in their life, Bruce Willis had Danny DeVito, Morgan Freeman had Ozzy Osborn, and Billy Mayes had Bruce Lee. In most cases people tend to look up to, and aspire to become their idols. It is my hope that one day as I parade the hallways of my school that some kid with long hair swooped over to side, an extreme v-neck, and tight pants will come up to me and say, "Oh hey, you're Sam Wolf", to which I shall reply "Why yes my friend, I am indeed Sam Wolf" only to hear him respond with "You're my idol broski. Peace out". Below are four people who I idolize greatly, and yes I am serious.
Also, I sure hope that my computer decides to upload these images for once.
1. Luke Skywalker.
Chances are if you've talked to me for more than five minutes I've probably mentioned the fact that I love Starwars. Now when I say I love Starwars, I FREAKING LOVE STARWARS! Like seriously, when I was a kid I'd spend hours pretending to be different Starwars characters. Whenever I'd do this my favorite character was always Luke Skywalker because of how cool he was. I always liked Luke because he was always such a "Bad-ass". Like the scene in A New Hope when Luke shoots his proton torpedoes into the tiny exhaust shaft in the Death Star without his targeting computer, when he chooses to leap off of the ventalation shaft in Bespin in The Empire Strikes Back rather than to accept the fact that Darth Vader, his worst enemy, is his father, or when he takes on Emperor Palatine in The Return of The Jedi, Luke Skywalker is all around "Bad-ass".
2."Krooked" Ken.
"Krooked" Ken is five-foot two, covered in tattoos, and one of the funniest people you will ever meet. I actually had the privilege of meeting Ken in Chicago this summer, and let me say he is one of the funniest guys I have ever and will ever meet. Ken is a tattoo artist who specializes in Traditional-American style tattooing. He has worked with tattoo icons such as Norm "Sailor Jerry" Collins, Lew the Jew, and Jack Dracula. Such a "Br00t4l" guy.
3. Jack Dracula.
Speaking of Jack Dracula, Jack Dracula. Jack first started getting tattoos in the late 30's when he was a young boy, after getting some serious ink in the Navy Jack started his own tattoo shop to support himself for when he wasn't traveling as an act for a cicrus. I find Jack to be quite "Bad-ass" because at the time that he got tattooed, especially on his face, no one got tattooed, and in fact society looked down on people who did get tattooed.
4. Frank Carter
Finally I have Frank Carter. Frank is the vocalist for a band called Gallows, who if you haven't checked out I strongly suggest that you check them out. Frank is my idol because he's the vocalist for a hardcore/punk band, is covered in tattoos, followed his dream of being in a band, and in his free time is a tattoo artist. Also he gets so crazy at shows that he often times makes his nose bleed or cracks his head, "Br00t4l"
So those are four people who I really idolize pretty heavily, but I seriously doubt that I'd ever get an eagle tattooed on my forehead.
Oh and I should also add that I had another supurb weekend with Evan, Tessa, and Michelle. Oh yeah and that none of the celebrities listed idolized those people.
Peace out,
Sam
Also, I sure hope that my computer decides to upload these images for once.
1. Luke Skywalker.
Chances are if you've talked to me for more than five minutes I've probably mentioned the fact that I love Starwars. Now when I say I love Starwars, I FREAKING LOVE STARWARS! Like seriously, when I was a kid I'd spend hours pretending to be different Starwars characters. Whenever I'd do this my favorite character was always Luke Skywalker because of how cool he was. I always liked Luke because he was always such a "Bad-ass". Like the scene in A New Hope when Luke shoots his proton torpedoes into the tiny exhaust shaft in the Death Star without his targeting computer, when he chooses to leap off of the ventalation shaft in Bespin in The Empire Strikes Back rather than to accept the fact that Darth Vader, his worst enemy, is his father, or when he takes on Emperor Palatine in The Return of The Jedi, Luke Skywalker is all around "Bad-ass".
2."Krooked" Ken.
"Krooked" Ken is five-foot two, covered in tattoos, and one of the funniest people you will ever meet. I actually had the privilege of meeting Ken in Chicago this summer, and let me say he is one of the funniest guys I have ever and will ever meet. Ken is a tattoo artist who specializes in Traditional-American style tattooing. He has worked with tattoo icons such as Norm "Sailor Jerry" Collins, Lew the Jew, and Jack Dracula. Such a "Br00t4l" guy.
3. Jack Dracula.
Speaking of Jack Dracula, Jack Dracula. Jack first started getting tattoos in the late 30's when he was a young boy, after getting some serious ink in the Navy Jack started his own tattoo shop to support himself for when he wasn't traveling as an act for a cicrus. I find Jack to be quite "Bad-ass" because at the time that he got tattooed, especially on his face, no one got tattooed, and in fact society looked down on people who did get tattooed.
4. Frank Carter
Finally I have Frank Carter. Frank is the vocalist for a band called Gallows, who if you haven't checked out I strongly suggest that you check them out. Frank is my idol because he's the vocalist for a hardcore/punk band, is covered in tattoos, followed his dream of being in a band, and in his free time is a tattoo artist. Also he gets so crazy at shows that he often times makes his nose bleed or cracks his head, "Br00t4l"
So those are four people who I really idolize pretty heavily, but I seriously doubt that I'd ever get an eagle tattooed on my forehead.
Oh and I should also add that I had another supurb weekend with Evan, Tessa, and Michelle. Oh yeah and that none of the celebrities listed idolized those people.
Peace out,
Sam
Thursday, January 28, 2010
My apologies
So I realize that its been eight days since my last post, would like to apologize for my absence. Lately I've been totally bogged down with my Chemistry work and an English paper. I promise to start updating this more frequently.
So I have three quick things to post before I have to go to work on Chem.
First: As I'm sure you know I posted a list of things that I would like to do before I die about a week ago. One of the items on that list was to wear my parrot suit in public, something that I have always wanted a good excuse to do. I came about this on Friday night when I was out with Tessa, Dory, and Rachael in Broadripple. As we drove though the busy streets I saw a man wearing a Colts hat that was in the shape of a horse's head. When I saw this I leaned out of my car window and yelled "Hey buddy, I like your hat. If I come over there can I get my picture taken with you?" to which the man yelled something that I couldn't understand. I ordered Tessa to pull over so that I could get out and get my picture taken, and might I say that it was well worth it.
Here's the picture. Sorry for the grainy-ness, apparently Dory doesn't understand how to use the flash on her camera.
Secondly: I wanted to update everyone on my v-neck challenge. Earlier in the week someone told me about two people who I have never met before talking about my challenge in her Psychology class, win. Also I got quite the look from Rhymers today, which is good because it shows that people are really starting to notice it, but it also is a pretty bad thing due to the fact Rhymers was staring at me, not so much of a win.
Finally: I would like to ask a big favor of everyone who reads this. If you know who Michelle P. is and where she lives then please try your hardest to at some time place food in her yard, preferably cucumbers. Thank you very much for your help.
Now I have to go and finish my Chem, I'll try my hardest to post something more worthwhile tomorrow, peace out.
So I have three quick things to post before I have to go to work on Chem.
First: As I'm sure you know I posted a list of things that I would like to do before I die about a week ago. One of the items on that list was to wear my parrot suit in public, something that I have always wanted a good excuse to do. I came about this on Friday night when I was out with Tessa, Dory, and Rachael in Broadripple. As we drove though the busy streets I saw a man wearing a Colts hat that was in the shape of a horse's head. When I saw this I leaned out of my car window and yelled "Hey buddy, I like your hat. If I come over there can I get my picture taken with you?" to which the man yelled something that I couldn't understand. I ordered Tessa to pull over so that I could get out and get my picture taken, and might I say that it was well worth it.
Here's the picture. Sorry for the grainy-ness, apparently Dory doesn't understand how to use the flash on her camera.
Secondly: I wanted to update everyone on my v-neck challenge. Earlier in the week someone told me about two people who I have never met before talking about my challenge in her Psychology class, win. Also I got quite the look from Rhymers today, which is good because it shows that people are really starting to notice it, but it also is a pretty bad thing due to the fact Rhymers was staring at me, not so much of a win.
Finally: I would like to ask a big favor of everyone who reads this. If you know who Michelle P. is and where she lives then please try your hardest to at some time place food in her yard, preferably cucumbers. Thank you very much for your help.
Now I have to go and finish my Chem, I'll try my hardest to post something more worthwhile tomorrow, peace out.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
One hundred things I would like to do before I die. Kinda..
So as I said earlier I have been wanting to make my very own "Bucket List" of one hundred things I would like to do before I die. After many hours of brainstorming I have found just how hard it is to find 100 things that I would like to do before I die. So I've found fifty things and have posted then in a list below. Please note that while some of these are meaningful things, some are just stupid things that I have always wanted to do. I plan on trying to complete all of these and will post which ones I have completed in the beginning of my other posts along with a short story about it. When I am able to come up with another fifty I'll put those in another post.
So here are fifty things that I want to do before I die.
1. Receive the key to a city
2. Get a tattoo
3. Ride a bull
4. Go skydiving
5. Wear my parrot suit in a public place
6. Participate in a rap battle
7. Preform on stage with a major band
8. Ride a motorcycle off of a ramp
9. Get into a bar fight
10. Get into a street race
11. Tell 15 random strangers nice and sincere comments
12. Wear my gorilla mask to the zoo and pretend that I am an animal who has escaped from an exhibit.
13. Meet Clint Eastwood
14. Be an extra in a zombie movie
15. Put on "Boy Meets Bear"
16. Kick in a door
17. Travel across the country with some friends
18. Travel to the deep south and compete in a mud wrestling competition
20. Start a chant in a crowd
21. Give 100 people high fives
22. Ride an elephant
23. Get in a street race
24. Participate in a hot dog eating competition
25. Be on the Jay Leno show
26. Find a random girl and ask her out on a date
27. Start a food fight
28. Sing 15 random strangers happy birthday
29. Chop down a tree
30. Go ice fishing
31. Meet Lady Gaga
32. Make chainsaw art
33. Play basketball with Michael Jordan
34. Go to Russia and talk to people with my Russian accent
35. Cut the red ribbon at a major event
36. Fly an airplane
37. Spend the day holding up a sign that reads "Have a nice day"
38. Apologize to people who I haven't been too nice to
39. Go on a safari
40. Throw the first pitch at a baseball game
41. Learn to dance
42. Not shave for a month
43. Meet John Malcovic
44. Lasso a bull
45. Go swimming
46. Construct the treetop casino
47. Break a world record
48. Climb a mountain
49. Organize and participate in a huge Star Wars Light-saber battle
50. Start a food fight
So here are fifty things that I want to do before I die.
1. Receive the key to a city
2. Get a tattoo
3. Ride a bull
4. Go skydiving
5. Wear my parrot suit in a public place
6. Participate in a rap battle
7. Preform on stage with a major band
8. Ride a motorcycle off of a ramp
9. Get into a bar fight
10. Get into a street race
11. Tell 15 random strangers nice and sincere comments
12. Wear my gorilla mask to the zoo and pretend that I am an animal who has escaped from an exhibit.
13. Meet Clint Eastwood
14. Be an extra in a zombie movie
15. Put on "Boy Meets Bear"
16. Kick in a door
17. Travel across the country with some friends
18. Travel to the deep south and compete in a mud wrestling competition
20. Start a chant in a crowd
21. Give 100 people high fives
22. Ride an elephant
23. Get in a street race
24. Participate in a hot dog eating competition
25. Be on the Jay Leno show
26. Find a random girl and ask her out on a date
27. Start a food fight
28. Sing 15 random strangers happy birthday
29. Chop down a tree
30. Go ice fishing
31. Meet Lady Gaga
32. Make chainsaw art
33. Play basketball with Michael Jordan
34. Go to Russia and talk to people with my Russian accent
35. Cut the red ribbon at a major event
36. Fly an airplane
37. Spend the day holding up a sign that reads "Have a nice day"
38. Apologize to people who I haven't been too nice to
39. Go on a safari
40. Throw the first pitch at a baseball game
41. Learn to dance
42. Not shave for a month
43. Meet John Malcovic
44. Lasso a bull
45. Go swimming
46. Construct the treetop casino
47. Break a world record
48. Climb a mountain
49. Organize and participate in a huge Star Wars Light-saber battle
50. Start a food fight
Monday, January 18, 2010
Bro, life tip.
Bro, life tip: This has been one of the best weekends that I've had in a while. I am currently listening to the sweet song of my microwave beeping, my mother nagging me about homework, and gun shots from the movie "The Hurtlocker" so I have to make this post a quick one. However my weekend was amazing, with my good friends Tessa, Evan, and Michelle I went to Noodles and Company, watched an extremely intense middle school basketball game, attempted to find a solution to a couples failing relationship, asked people for directions, ordered food and then left before they were done with it, failed to watch two movies, drank some radical tea, gave a close friend of mine advise on women, confessed my love of Star-Wars, looked at large houses, looked at out of place houses, looked at a shogun status house, watched Across The Universe, watched the Colts win over the Ravens, saw some "sweet ass" mist, and finally watched Step Brothers. Overall it was a pretty sweet weekend.
So I have to finish my Chem work before Tessa picks me up to go visit Evan.
Ill post again tomorrow night with something more worth while.
However before I leave I wanted to give two bits of advise.
1. Dont go to the Broadripple Noodles and Company
2. Bro, life tip: When a bitch be DTF you never leave.
So I have to finish my Chem work before Tessa picks me up to go visit Evan.
Ill post again tomorrow night with something more worth while.
However before I leave I wanted to give two bits of advise.
1. Dont go to the Broadripple Noodles and Company
2. Bro, life tip: When a bitch be DTF you never leave.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
On a more serious note
My whole life I have always dreamed of three things, the first of these is for myself to be playing a red electric guitar on a motorcycle as I ride said motorcycle, for me to find myself in a situation where I am preparing to do a "crazy" act and someone says to me "Are you out of your mind!?!" and then proceed my crazy act with "You really are out of your mind!!", and finally to break and/or set a world record. So I found myself today daydreaming in my history class about a situation where in order to impress an attractive female who happens to be highly attracted to men who break and/or set world records, by setting the world record for "longest jump completed on a motorcycle while the rider was playing the electric guitar" and how before I make my jump my nerdy best friend/sidekick says to me "Sam, are you out of your mind!?!" to which I reply by soloing on the guitar and then shooting off the jump, only to nail my jump, impress the attractive female, and then hear my nerdy best friend/sidekick say to me "You really are out of your mind!!". Then I was awoken from my daydream with a brilliant idea. Now, as anyone who sees me probably knows, I happen to own a great deal of V-Neck shirts and happen to enjoy being the biggest "super legit hardcore rebel" ever. So I started thinking "Sam, what world record could you easily break? Hmmm well I guess I could do something with my plethora of V-Necks? Why yes Old Sport! I believe you've got it, do something with your low cut shirts!".
So I, Sam Wolf, have decided to set a new world record of being "The first male at North Central High School in Indianapolis Indiana to violate the dress code for wearing a shirt that is deemed to be too low-cut". I hope that I shall be successful, and realize that it will be quite a long journey. So I am asking all who read this that if you see me in the hallway give me a pat on the back and say "I believe in you Sam", and together we can achieve something great.
Now on a more serious note I would also like to take the time to address a serious problem in today's soceity, suicide. Many teenagers are depressed due to problems at school, with their home life, or due to a failed relationship. Many people feel it is their only option when in reality it is not. Suicide is a permanent problem to a temporary solution, and not only robs you of your life but affects those who are close to you. However the good news is that suicide is a problem that many who are close to the victim are able to help prevent. One must constantly remind the person that you care about them and that whatever is bothering them will pass, one should also contact a trusted adult, teacher, or any other type of official. How does one tell that someone close to them is having suicidal thoughts? The easiest and most efficient is to look for signs that the person says or does such as "Soon none of this will matter", "I think I want to kill myself", or the person drawing a picture of them hanging themselves, labeling the character "Me", and then facing and angling the picture so that you have a perfect view of the drawing. If you or anyone you know is showing signs such as these then please contact someone close to you. Remember, your life is precious so please don't waste it on being a martyr for "some greater cause".
So I, Sam Wolf, have decided to set a new world record of being "The first male at North Central High School in Indianapolis Indiana to violate the dress code for wearing a shirt that is deemed to be too low-cut". I hope that I shall be successful, and realize that it will be quite a long journey. So I am asking all who read this that if you see me in the hallway give me a pat on the back and say "I believe in you Sam", and together we can achieve something great.
Now on a more serious note I would also like to take the time to address a serious problem in today's soceity, suicide. Many teenagers are depressed due to problems at school, with their home life, or due to a failed relationship. Many people feel it is their only option when in reality it is not. Suicide is a permanent problem to a temporary solution, and not only robs you of your life but affects those who are close to you. However the good news is that suicide is a problem that many who are close to the victim are able to help prevent. One must constantly remind the person that you care about them and that whatever is bothering them will pass, one should also contact a trusted adult, teacher, or any other type of official. How does one tell that someone close to them is having suicidal thoughts? The easiest and most efficient is to look for signs that the person says or does such as "Soon none of this will matter", "I think I want to kill myself", or the person drawing a picture of them hanging themselves, labeling the character "Me", and then facing and angling the picture so that you have a perfect view of the drawing. If you or anyone you know is showing signs such as these then please contact someone close to you. Remember, your life is precious so please don't waste it on being a martyr for "some greater cause".
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Reppin' Naptown 317
It is a well known fact that the streets of Indianapolis are, according to some of the kids in my school, "Da toughest muh fuckin' streets in tha whole world". I had always doubted this and felt that it was simply people having too much pride in being ignorant and poor, however over the summer I had a ghetto experience that made me feel like I was "Straight Outta Compton" on the set of the major motion picture "Boys In The Hood". Now, I'm sure everyone who has ever seen me knows that when it comes to "being hood" I'm "on that Rick Ross status", however this moment of my life was so intense that even a straight up "bone thug" like me could barely handle it.
It all happened on a warm June evening, I had just picked up my dear friend Paul Logan and was on the way to "Middle Eastern Fest '09", an event that I had been looking forward too for the whole month. As Paul got into my car and began to tell me a story about his dear Jewish mother I started to remember a bone chilling warning that my own mother had delivered to me. Before I left my house my mother told me to drive safely and wear a seat belt, things that she normally tells me, however she added a very special warning of "Oh and make sure you don't drive too far past it because you'll end up in Murder Capital U.S.A.". Yet I thought it was just my mother being a mother and didn't take her warning seriously at all. As Paul and I drove towards our great feast of Middle Eastern food, we listened to Mash Bros, talked about "Bitches", and carried out a conversation about Lady Gaga and how she is only looking for a man with "A big dick". After a while we began to see a sign that read "Festival Parking up ahead!" and then no more that five seconds after seeing the parking sign did we read another sign labeled "Festival parking full". Now this normally would of broken the spirit of any normal Middle Eastern food seeking adventurers, but not Paul and I, we were two men with our bellies empty and our eyes set on gyros. So we decided that we would just keep driving down the road and pull in at the next opportunity we had, a decision that would prove to be near fatal. When we were finally able to turn we had already driven down another ten streets and had began to enter a neighborhood that was quite sketchy. As I made the right turn my priorities suddenly turned from ethnic food to survival as we entered a whole new world that I was quite sure I had seen on the History Channel's show "Gangland" and looked as if it was "Straight up outta' da ATL, Atlanta Georgia, greatest muh fuckin city on da planet". At first it appeared to be barren of life, the houses were all old and in poor condition, some were boarded up, some had waist high grass, most had peeling paint, and I can distinctly remember a washing machine in the front yard of one. I took another right turn in an attempt to leave this strange new world but instead found myself in the heart of the "hood", and what I saw froze me with fear. As we drove through this "hood" every person we passed turned their head and stared at us, there was a dead cat in the middle of the road, to the right of us we could see a large group of males gathered on the front porch of the house, and then a man carrying a single bicycle wheel crossed the road in front of us, panic struck as it forced our car to come to a complete stop which I was convinced would be the end of us. However as luck would have it we were not attacked, we were then forced to come to another stop at a stop sign. As I prepared to go I heard a loud booming noise approaching me and was terrified that I was about to be devoured by some sort of giant "ghetto" monster, just then the booming was right next to us, shaking our car with every boom. Being the brave man that I am I turned my head to my left to see this foul beast only to discover that it was a car full of young males who simply drove through and didn't stop, a move which made me think "Those boys didn't stop the proper five seconds". However I was more concerned with my survival then noting license plate numbers to submit for traffic citations, and continued my drive. Just then my trusty navigator Paul said "If you turn right up at this next sign I'm pretty sure it should take us in the right direction". Paul is one of the bravest men that I know, and though out this whole ordeal showed no sign of fear and in fact if my memory serves me right thrown gang signs to our passerby's. Finally we arrived at the stop sign and I took the right turn, which lead us to our glorious salvation and gyros. However before the "hood" let us go it left us with one final ghastly image, as I made that right turn out I locked eyes with a baby in a diaper just standing on the sidewalk "mean muggin'" the hell out of me, an image that still to this day I can not forget.
If you are "legit" urban intercity youth and are reading this on the free computers at the library, then I have three things that I wish to tell you and that I hope you will take to heart.
1. Stay in school
2. VOTE OR DIE
3. Kick rocks
If you are are white suburban youth who dresses, talks, and acts like "legit" urban intercity youth, and are reading this on the iPhone 3g S that you got for Christmas then I have three things that I wish to tell you and that I hope you will take to heart.
1. Look at your house
2. Look in a mirror
3. Grow up
It all happened on a warm June evening, I had just picked up my dear friend Paul Logan and was on the way to "Middle Eastern Fest '09", an event that I had been looking forward too for the whole month. As Paul got into my car and began to tell me a story about his dear Jewish mother I started to remember a bone chilling warning that my own mother had delivered to me. Before I left my house my mother told me to drive safely and wear a seat belt, things that she normally tells me, however she added a very special warning of "Oh and make sure you don't drive too far past it because you'll end up in Murder Capital U.S.A.". Yet I thought it was just my mother being a mother and didn't take her warning seriously at all. As Paul and I drove towards our great feast of Middle Eastern food, we listened to Mash Bros, talked about "Bitches", and carried out a conversation about Lady Gaga and how she is only looking for a man with "A big dick". After a while we began to see a sign that read "Festival Parking up ahead!" and then no more that five seconds after seeing the parking sign did we read another sign labeled "Festival parking full". Now this normally would of broken the spirit of any normal Middle Eastern food seeking adventurers, but not Paul and I, we were two men with our bellies empty and our eyes set on gyros. So we decided that we would just keep driving down the road and pull in at the next opportunity we had, a decision that would prove to be near fatal. When we were finally able to turn we had already driven down another ten streets and had began to enter a neighborhood that was quite sketchy. As I made the right turn my priorities suddenly turned from ethnic food to survival as we entered a whole new world that I was quite sure I had seen on the History Channel's show "Gangland" and looked as if it was "Straight up outta' da ATL, Atlanta Georgia, greatest muh fuckin city on da planet". At first it appeared to be barren of life, the houses were all old and in poor condition, some were boarded up, some had waist high grass, most had peeling paint, and I can distinctly remember a washing machine in the front yard of one. I took another right turn in an attempt to leave this strange new world but instead found myself in the heart of the "hood", and what I saw froze me with fear. As we drove through this "hood" every person we passed turned their head and stared at us, there was a dead cat in the middle of the road, to the right of us we could see a large group of males gathered on the front porch of the house, and then a man carrying a single bicycle wheel crossed the road in front of us, panic struck as it forced our car to come to a complete stop which I was convinced would be the end of us. However as luck would have it we were not attacked, we were then forced to come to another stop at a stop sign. As I prepared to go I heard a loud booming noise approaching me and was terrified that I was about to be devoured by some sort of giant "ghetto" monster, just then the booming was right next to us, shaking our car with every boom. Being the brave man that I am I turned my head to my left to see this foul beast only to discover that it was a car full of young males who simply drove through and didn't stop, a move which made me think "Those boys didn't stop the proper five seconds". However I was more concerned with my survival then noting license plate numbers to submit for traffic citations, and continued my drive. Just then my trusty navigator Paul said "If you turn right up at this next sign I'm pretty sure it should take us in the right direction". Paul is one of the bravest men that I know, and though out this whole ordeal showed no sign of fear and in fact if my memory serves me right thrown gang signs to our passerby's. Finally we arrived at the stop sign and I took the right turn, which lead us to our glorious salvation and gyros. However before the "hood" let us go it left us with one final ghastly image, as I made that right turn out I locked eyes with a baby in a diaper just standing on the sidewalk "mean muggin'" the hell out of me, an image that still to this day I can not forget.
If you are "legit" urban intercity youth and are reading this on the free computers at the library, then I have three things that I wish to tell you and that I hope you will take to heart.
1. Stay in school
2. VOTE OR DIE
3. Kick rocks
If you are are white suburban youth who dresses, talks, and acts like "legit" urban intercity youth, and are reading this on the iPhone 3g S that you got for Christmas then I have three things that I wish to tell you and that I hope you will take to heart.
1. Look at your house
2. Look in a mirror
3. Grow up
Monday, January 4, 2010
Beware of black ice
Death is a common thing, in fact every human being has a 100% chance of death occurring at sometime during their life time. While some deaths may be pretty "Bad Ass" such as a soldier diving on a grenade to safe the rest of his squadron, the Bear Jew blowing himself up after shooting Hitler and half of the Third Reich, or Sergent Alfred Steiglitz who's last line before shooting the Nazi officer in the bar and then being shot multiple times himself is "Say auf Wiedersehen to your nazi balls"
However, last week my near death experience was barely what anyone would qualify as "Bad Ass" and was instead "Lame Ass" or even "Dumb Ass". So there I was driving home on that faithful night it was late, I was tired, and I wanted to go home. Just then, my phone rang; I answered with a cheery "Hello?" only to hear my dad on the other line "Sam, you’re late. Where are you?" "Oh I'm on my way dad, sorry for the hold up", I replied, "Just get home" my father said, "Ill talk to you then". As I said my goodbyes and hung up my phone I turned my music back up, I was listening to The Acacia Strain's newest CD "Continent", which is pretty "Bad Ass" in case you have not checked it out yet. Anyway, I had my music on loud and I was driving a mean 42 miles an hour, up a head I noticed a stop sign and as the responsible driver that I am began braking at 200 feet. As I stepped on my brake I began to notice that car wasn’t slowing down, so I panicked and pushed down all the way on my brakes and then, if my memory serves me correct, said "Oh yeah that’s real cool brakes" as I shot by the stop sign and outstretched my arm towards the stop sign in an attempt to catch it. Yet seeing as I am not Stretch Armstrong and I do not drive a convertible my attempts to grab it were useless. My car then did not one, not two, but two and a half spins before ending up in a ditch. After exiting the motor vehicle and almost getting my foot crushed by the wheel I inspected my car, got back in it, and after 30 painfully long seconds managed to drive it out of the ditch. I was in shock on my way home and couldn’t stop thinking about how bad that situation could of been, how lucky I was to be driving out of that ditch, and most importantly how lame it would of been to go out like that. I mean at least I could of jumped on a grenade to save my friends, kill Hitler and then blow myself up, or deliver a witty and catchy punch line before shooting a Nazi and then getting shot multiple times myself.
However, last week my near death experience was barely what anyone would qualify as "Bad Ass" and was instead "Lame Ass" or even "Dumb Ass". So there I was driving home on that faithful night it was late, I was tired, and I wanted to go home. Just then, my phone rang; I answered with a cheery "Hello?" only to hear my dad on the other line "Sam, you’re late. Where are you?" "Oh I'm on my way dad, sorry for the hold up", I replied, "Just get home" my father said, "Ill talk to you then". As I said my goodbyes and hung up my phone I turned my music back up, I was listening to The Acacia Strain's newest CD "Continent", which is pretty "Bad Ass" in case you have not checked it out yet. Anyway, I had my music on loud and I was driving a mean 42 miles an hour, up a head I noticed a stop sign and as the responsible driver that I am began braking at 200 feet. As I stepped on my brake I began to notice that car wasn’t slowing down, so I panicked and pushed down all the way on my brakes and then, if my memory serves me correct, said "Oh yeah that’s real cool brakes" as I shot by the stop sign and outstretched my arm towards the stop sign in an attempt to catch it. Yet seeing as I am not Stretch Armstrong and I do not drive a convertible my attempts to grab it were useless. My car then did not one, not two, but two and a half spins before ending up in a ditch. After exiting the motor vehicle and almost getting my foot crushed by the wheel I inspected my car, got back in it, and after 30 painfully long seconds managed to drive it out of the ditch. I was in shock on my way home and couldn’t stop thinking about how bad that situation could of been, how lucky I was to be driving out of that ditch, and most importantly how lame it would of been to go out like that. I mean at least I could of jumped on a grenade to save my friends, kill Hitler and then blow myself up, or deliver a witty and catchy punch line before shooting a Nazi and then getting shot multiple times myself.
Isn’t almost dying nifty?
Oh and The Bear Jew is the greatest character in Inglorious Basterds, just saying
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Songs To Scream At The Sun
While I enjoy listening to many different types of music I really enjoy listening to Hardcore and Hardcore punk. As of right now one of my favorite bands is the Boston based Hardcore band Have Heart. If you have never heard of Have Heart I highly recommend you check them out. Even if you are not into Hardcore you should still find Have Heart appealing. Their songs feature positive and creative lyrics and are a breath of fresh air in a music scene that has become so watered down and generic. Their newest album "Songs To Scream At The Sun" is probably one of the best albums I have ever listened to and I highly recommend it. Their myspace is http://www.myspace.com/haveheart . Listen to "No Roses No Skies" or "Bostons".
Also I realize that this post has nothing to do with my life, but it is almost two in the morning and I am quite tired. Ill post a story about the time my Russian accent got me in trouble with some guy at Wendy's when I wake up.
A fine Jewish new year
Way back on the night of December 31st, 2009 I was on my way to an end of the year party and was hyping myself up to have my own personal version of "The Hangover". I was hoping to wake up in a train yard in Delaware, handcuffed to a tiger, wearing my parrot suit, with my hair dyed blue, a tattoo of a rooster with boxing gloves on my butt, missing my fake teeth, and holding a key labeled "To the lost ark of the Covenant". However as I woke up on January first I found myself to still be in Indiana. Yet this doesn't mean that I had a shitty new years. No instead my new year involved me eating a pack of cold sausage links, speaking like a black man, going on a quest to find the warmest blanket ever, swapping stories, attempting to ice skate, playing rock band, watching Anchorman, hunting down Waldo telling people of my tramp stamp and Ron Burgundy tattoo, eating the roofing off of a three year old ginger bread house, stealing deeds, meeting some colorful people, going to Hardies at six in the morning, and finally and most importantly discovering the second coming of Jesus in the form of Dr. Frank. So here are some photos from my new year, so that you may feel like you were a part of my magical night.
Okay, scratch that. Apparently my computer doesn't feel like posting these so whatever I'll just post them in another post later
Still there are more important things than photos of myself. As I said earlier I discovered the second coming of Jesus in the form of Dr. Frank. Dr. Frank is a man who has dedicated his life to attempting to end joint pain in humans, and after many hard years of research achieved his goal. Dr. Frank has created a medicine that once you spray it in your mouth it will end all joint pain through out your entire body. However ending joint pain for humans was not enough for Dr. Frank and he set out to end joint pain in animals, and was successful. It is because of this that I am convinced that Dr. Frank is Jesus Christ. Have a hard time believing me? Watch the video below and then spread his word. Oh and for some reason it posted this video twice, so please excuse that.
Also I was watching MTV at three in the morning and saw a commercial for a new show known as "The Buried Life", I was moved by what they were trying to do and have decided to write my own "Bucket List". Once I am done I shall post all 100 things that I wish to do before I die, or before I loose the motivation to complete all 100 things.
Thats the trailer just in-case you haven't seen it yet
Okay, scratch that. Apparently my computer doesn't feel like posting these so whatever I'll just post them in another post later
Still there are more important things than photos of myself. As I said earlier I discovered the second coming of Jesus in the form of Dr. Frank. Dr. Frank is a man who has dedicated his life to attempting to end joint pain in humans, and after many hard years of research achieved his goal. Dr. Frank has created a medicine that once you spray it in your mouth it will end all joint pain through out your entire body. However ending joint pain for humans was not enough for Dr. Frank and he set out to end joint pain in animals, and was successful. It is because of this that I am convinced that Dr. Frank is Jesus Christ. Have a hard time believing me? Watch the video below and then spread his word. Oh and for some reason it posted this video twice, so please excuse that.
Also I was watching MTV at three in the morning and saw a commercial for a new show known as "The Buried Life", I was moved by what they were trying to do and have decided to write my own "Bucket List". Once I am done I shall post all 100 things that I wish to do before I die, or before I loose the motivation to complete all 100 things.
Thats the trailer just in-case you haven't seen it yet
Friday, January 1, 2010
My new year's resolution is to survive the new year
As I sit in my dark basement at one in the morning squinting at my computer screen attempting to write a decent first post I am over whelmed with ideas. Originally I planned to write about how its the new year and how excited I am that 2009 is over because I felt it was a shitty year, however due to the fact that me posting that would be way to emo I have decided to steer clear of that path. Instead I have decided to stay true to my blogs title and focus on "The Life and Times of Sam Wolf". Yet before I can begin to tell of some of my glorious times I want to give you a little bit of a background on myself.
My name is Sam Wolf and I wear pants that for my future children sake are way to tight, I like to sleep a lot, I like to listen to punk rock, and cheeseburger hot-pockets are my favorite meal. I am the vocalist in a hardcore band and have been known to tear it up and get brutal from time to time. I own too many v-neck shirts, enjoy "neat" sweaters, and am a sucker for Raspberry Arizona iced tea. I recognize that the life you are given is the only life you are given and that once your time on the earth is done you will cease to exist, and because of this I try to actually live everyday to its fullest. I do not know how to swim and no matter what you say I will not get into the water. I hate the ocean, theme parks, waiting in lines, and people who say "Legit" way to much. I one day plan on dressing like a turn of the century villian and stealing the deeds to single women's houses and/or apartments. Finally I love zombies, and am always prepared for a zombie outbreak.
So as this blog and post are supposed to be dedicated to my "life and times" I shall wrap up this post with one short story from my childhood.
My story takes place in February of 2007 when I was in eighth grade. One cold night I accompanied my friend Matt Sheffield to a party that was being held at the house of one of the girls in our class. Upon my arrival I noticed that there were some girls at the party who did not go to my school and that I found one of them, a tall, brunette, and well developed girl, to be quite attractive. I made my way over to the girl and we talked for most of the night. At the end of the party when my dad came to pick me up I asked the girl for her number and received it. We spent the next two weeks talking on the phone every night, and making plans to hangout that would always fail at the last second. Then one night as we were talking I casually mentioned that "I really am pretty excited for high school next year" to which she replied "Yeah I bet, I cant wait for middle school next year either". This freaked me out and I immeadiatly asked her to repeat her self because I must of not heard her correctly, yet unfortunately she replied with "Well yeah, I'm in fifth grade. Diddnt you know that?" I suddenly knew that I had to sever all contacts with this girl, however with her being so young I was quite cautious as of just how to sever those ties. For another two weeks I found myself reluctantly answering my phone to her calls, and trying so hard to find a way to tell this girl off. As spring break rolled along my luck took a positive turn, and I found a fool-proof plan to ditch this girl. I told her that my family was going to Jamaica for the break and once that we had "arrived" I was starting to feel pretty sick. By the end of the third day my condition had worsened and my last phone conversation with her was me telling her that I was going to be flown to America so that I could be sent to a better hospital for my critical condition. I then blocked the girl from my phone for two weeks. After those two weeks were up I had my friend, Matt's, father call the girl from my phone and say that he was a doctor in the hospital that I had been sent to and was going through my contact list to inform my friends that I had passed away the night before and that due to the rare virus that killed me, I was to be cremated immediately and therefore would not have a funeral. To my luck this story worked and my phone stopped being light up with calls from her. However my cover was almost blown two months later when I was at the mall and I felt a tap on my shoulder, as I turned around I found myself to be staring the very same girl dead in the eyes. "Sam? Whatever happened to you being dead?" she asked me. I stared blankly at her for a second and pretended to not know who she was even though I clearly did, finally I cleared my throat and said "Sam? Sam died two months ago, I'm his twin brother Matt. Didn't you hear about his passing, it was really rough on our whole family" and then after that I cast a hurt look and walked away to never see the girl again.
And that concludes the story of the time I faked my own death to avoid a girl.
It is now 1:55 in the morning and I have no more desire to write so I shall go to bed, I hope that you enjoyed this post and continue to enjoy the ones that I post. While we cant all live exciting lives like I do, by reading these you'll have a brief glimpse at what it is truly like to be Sam Wolf.
Enjoy
My name is Sam Wolf and I wear pants that for my future children sake are way to tight, I like to sleep a lot, I like to listen to punk rock, and cheeseburger hot-pockets are my favorite meal. I am the vocalist in a hardcore band and have been known to tear it up and get brutal from time to time. I own too many v-neck shirts, enjoy "neat" sweaters, and am a sucker for Raspberry Arizona iced tea. I recognize that the life you are given is the only life you are given and that once your time on the earth is done you will cease to exist, and because of this I try to actually live everyday to its fullest. I do not know how to swim and no matter what you say I will not get into the water. I hate the ocean, theme parks, waiting in lines, and people who say "Legit" way to much. I one day plan on dressing like a turn of the century villian and stealing the deeds to single women's houses and/or apartments. Finally I love zombies, and am always prepared for a zombie outbreak.
So as this blog and post are supposed to be dedicated to my "life and times" I shall wrap up this post with one short story from my childhood.
My story takes place in February of 2007 when I was in eighth grade. One cold night I accompanied my friend Matt Sheffield to a party that was being held at the house of one of the girls in our class. Upon my arrival I noticed that there were some girls at the party who did not go to my school and that I found one of them, a tall, brunette, and well developed girl, to be quite attractive. I made my way over to the girl and we talked for most of the night. At the end of the party when my dad came to pick me up I asked the girl for her number and received it. We spent the next two weeks talking on the phone every night, and making plans to hangout that would always fail at the last second. Then one night as we were talking I casually mentioned that "I really am pretty excited for high school next year" to which she replied "Yeah I bet, I cant wait for middle school next year either". This freaked me out and I immeadiatly asked her to repeat her self because I must of not heard her correctly, yet unfortunately she replied with "Well yeah, I'm in fifth grade. Diddnt you know that?" I suddenly knew that I had to sever all contacts with this girl, however with her being so young I was quite cautious as of just how to sever those ties. For another two weeks I found myself reluctantly answering my phone to her calls, and trying so hard to find a way to tell this girl off. As spring break rolled along my luck took a positive turn, and I found a fool-proof plan to ditch this girl. I told her that my family was going to Jamaica for the break and once that we had "arrived" I was starting to feel pretty sick. By the end of the third day my condition had worsened and my last phone conversation with her was me telling her that I was going to be flown to America so that I could be sent to a better hospital for my critical condition. I then blocked the girl from my phone for two weeks. After those two weeks were up I had my friend, Matt's, father call the girl from my phone and say that he was a doctor in the hospital that I had been sent to and was going through my contact list to inform my friends that I had passed away the night before and that due to the rare virus that killed me, I was to be cremated immediately and therefore would not have a funeral. To my luck this story worked and my phone stopped being light up with calls from her. However my cover was almost blown two months later when I was at the mall and I felt a tap on my shoulder, as I turned around I found myself to be staring the very same girl dead in the eyes. "Sam? Whatever happened to you being dead?" she asked me. I stared blankly at her for a second and pretended to not know who she was even though I clearly did, finally I cleared my throat and said "Sam? Sam died two months ago, I'm his twin brother Matt. Didn't you hear about his passing, it was really rough on our whole family" and then after that I cast a hurt look and walked away to never see the girl again.
And that concludes the story of the time I faked my own death to avoid a girl.
It is now 1:55 in the morning and I have no more desire to write so I shall go to bed, I hope that you enjoyed this post and continue to enjoy the ones that I post. While we cant all live exciting lives like I do, by reading these you'll have a brief glimpse at what it is truly like to be Sam Wolf.
Enjoy
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