Beware of black ice

Death is a common thing, in fact every human being has a 100% chance of death occurring at sometime during their life time. While some deaths may be pretty "Bad Ass" such as a soldier diving on a grenade to safe the rest of his squadron, the Bear Jew blowing himself up after shooting Hitler and half of the Third Reich, or Sergent Alfred Steiglitz who's last line before shooting the Nazi officer in the bar and then being shot multiple times himself is "Say auf Wiedersehen to your nazi balls"


However, last week my near death experience was barely what anyone would qualify as "Bad Ass" and was instead "Lame Ass" or even "Dumb Ass". So there I was driving home on that faithful night it was late, I was tired, and I wanted to go home. Just then, my phone rang; I answered with a cheery "Hello?" only to hear my dad on the other line "Sam, you’re late. Where are you?" "Oh I'm on my way dad, sorry for the hold up", I replied, "Just get home" my father said, "Ill talk to you then". As I said my goodbyes and hung up my phone I turned my music back up, I was listening to The Acacia Strain's newest CD "Continent", which is pretty "Bad Ass" in case you have not checked it out yet. Anyway, I had my music on loud and I was driving a mean 42 miles an hour, up a head I noticed a stop sign and as the responsible driver that I am began braking at 200 feet. As I stepped on my brake I began to notice that car wasn’t slowing down, so I panicked and pushed down all the way on my brakes and then, if my memory serves me correct, said "Oh yeah that’s real cool brakes" as I shot by the stop sign and outstretched my arm towards the stop sign in an attempt to catch it. Yet seeing as I am not Stretch Armstrong and I do not drive a convertible my attempts to grab it were useless. My car then did not one, not two, but two and a half spins before ending up in a ditch. After exiting the motor vehicle and almost getting my foot crushed by the wheel I inspected my car, got back in it, and after 30 painfully long seconds managed to drive it out of the ditch. I was in shock on my way home and couldn’t stop thinking about how bad that situation could of been, how lucky I was to be driving out of that ditch, and most importantly how lame it would of been to go out like that. I mean at least I could of jumped on a grenade to save my friends, kill Hitler and then blow myself up, or deliver a witty and catchy punch line before shooting a Nazi and then getting shot multiple times myself.

Isn’t almost dying nifty?

Oh and The Bear Jew is the greatest character in Inglorious Basterds, just saying